Author: Rabbi Michael Farbman

Routines of our lives

Routines are important. We begin to learn the routines almost immediately after we are born: we sleep, we eat and everything in between. Parents of newborn children quickly learn that if something happens once, it is not yet significant – but once a skill or an action is repeated 3 times, that may very well be a new routine.

Judaism values routines greatly: there’s a lot of comfort and meaning in the daily rituals of prayer, weekly rituals of Shabbat; not to mention the annual rituals of Jewish festivals that allow us to pay ever-closer attention to life around us, to our families, to ourselves, and to our traditions.

We have just celebrated the Festival of Passover, perhaps the most symbolic routine-filled occasion of the annual Jewish calendar. Food, family, community, ancient history and modern reality – all of it is intertwined into the special week of Passover, when we celebrate our freedom and our very existence as a Jewish nation (despite, as the Haggadah reminds us, multiple attempts to deny us the right to exist and to be ourselves).

As we said goodbye to Passover, we were once again faced with the terrible news – this time from Poway, CA, where a white supremacist filled with hate opened fire on Jews in the synagogue. A holy soul, Lori Gilbert-Kaye z’l lost her life, and the rabbi and two more congregants suffered gunshot wounds (but are recovering). Thanks to the incredible bravery of the congregants, and ineptitude of the cowardly shooter, a much greater tragedy was averted.

We have been here before. Six months ago, to be exact. We had to figure out how to respond to the Pittsburgh tragedy, the first such devastating attack on a synagogue in American history. We cried, we prayed, and we gathered as a community, surrounded by friends and neighbors of all faiths. We reviewed our safety procedures, and for the first time in our 56 year history, we began keeping our doors locked at all times, even on Shabbat and Festivals. We hugged our loved ones tighter than usual, and we went back to doing what we do best: celebrating our traditions, teaching and learning, feeding the hungry and working to make this world a better place, one step at a time.

On Sunday morning I stood in our sanctuary, sharing words of wisdom and comfort with our school community. I realized that I am getting to be far too experienced at teaching wisdom to kids, through song, while offering comfort to adults between the lines. This is one routine I never expected to develop in my rabbinate. But as Haggadah reminds us, we have seen this before – and we know what our response should be. We will continue to strive to be the better versions of ourselves: to be better spouses, better parents, better children, better members of our community, and better Jews. THIS is our routine.

Am Israel Chai!

Everything has to do with loving and not loving

This column is the last I will write as president of TE. It’s hard for me to take in the reality that nearly 2 years have passed since the June 2017 annual meeting where I received the “go bag” from our past president Melissa Perkal, containing the essential elements for a TE president: duct tape, flashlight, screwdriver, wrench, extension cord, WD40, and an organized book of instructions for what to do when: vendor contacts, high holiday preparation, social hall rental, etc. A deer in the headlights, I had no realistic idea of what was in store for me. But a legion of past presidents – – so many still so active in TE leadership, assured me that I would be OK, and that TE would survive despite my ineptitude with tools, and my aversion to details. I would be OK – largely because so many helping hands were there always to do what had to be done: bring food (now without nuts!!), prepare for festivals and celebrations, move chairs – and move them again, cook and serve outdoors, teach, learn, share, and come together in joy and in grief. We love our synagogue, we love praying together, learning together, seeking together. Sometimes arguing together. But at its heart, TE is a place of love.

Joan and I sing in the New Haven Chorale, and are preparing a piece written by a Yale faculty composer, Christopher Theofanidis. His The Here and Now is inspired by a 13th century text written by the Persian Poet Jalal al-Din Rumi. One of the phrases we sing over and over like a chant, is “Everything has to do with loving and not loving. Everything has to do with loving and not loving…” This so resonates with me – – everything we do has to do with loving and affirming life, or not loving and turning away from life.

I have been thinking about why Temple Emanuel has continued to thrive, despite the many challenges we have. We are a small community with so much to do, and relatively few hands to help. We have had financial challenges, some small, some large and daunting. In our modern world, our synagogue is not the central organization in our lives – – we have jobs, schools, we have social media, we have family gatherings – – dominating our time and attention. Why, then, do we value and support TE? Everything has to do with loving and not loving. TE gives us a space to be loving. Loving by extending ourselves to our community at times of need and at times of joy. Loving by praying together, arguing together, singing together, being together. We have a choice. Everything has to do with loving and not loving. We choose loving.

My last 2 years have been blessed with a capable and committed board of directors, working committees that really did their jobs, from our finance committee, adult and children’s education, caring community, membership, garden and cemetery, tikkun olam, building and grounds, safety, ritual, and more – – the inside workings of a real community. I have been so fortunate to work with a fantastic school administrator and her staff that have seen our school grow and thrive, a dedicated administrator overseeing daily process, a warm and inviting office staff that is our face to the outside world, and handles our phones, our calendar, our payments and contributions. We have an incredible caretaker, who makes our space her space, and is so proud of TE. And we have a rabbi who has been an inspirational leader. He has provided a constant vision of the future, and urges us to discover what TE might become. Every day, our rabbi shows his concern for each congregant – – those in pain, those in fear, those with confusion, uncertainty – – and also those with joy, with enthusiasm, with wonderful anticipation of new career, new relationships, new life.

I feel so fortunate to be part of TE. Everything has to do with loving and not loving. Our rabbi, our teachers and staff, our whole community, all help me to grow in loving. From my heart, thank you.

Family Shabbat Potluck Dinner (Dairy), May 10, 2019, 6pm

Share a potluck Shabbat meal with family and friends! Unwind at the end of the week, and welcome Shabbat with your extended Temple Emanuel Family.
A Tot Shabbat service for families with kids under 5 is at 5:30pm, and a main Shabbat service will begin at 7:30pm – you are welcome to either, or just come and share the meal! Please sign up for potluck – follow the link!

Holding a Torah Scroll…

Torah scrolls are very special. It is an incredible honor and privilege to read from the Torah scroll in front of the congregation. It requires skill and effort, and lots of preparation for each such occasion – a labor of love on behalf of the community and of the Jewish people. Holding the Torah scroll does not require a special skill (perhaps some strength is useful), but it can be a truly moving, emotional experience. When holding the Torah, whether for the first time as a bar or bat mitzvah, or for the 100th time, we cannot help but be in awe of the incredible chain of tradition, of hundreds upon hundreds of generations of Jews that cherished their Torah, and passed it on, leaving a small mark that perhaps cannot be seen, but can be felt by us as we accept the Torah from their hands and carry it forward. The sense of continuity, of importance of ritual and of connection with our people’s past is palpable whenever one holds the Torah — a truly awe-inspiring feeling.

As I held TE’s Holocaust Memorial Scroll #1178, and as I marched in a quiet procession of over 70 Czech memorial scrolls, I was overwhelmed for a moment by a different kind of emotion. In my arms I held not only an incredible treasure of the Jewish people that was created and lovingly maintained by previous generations of Jews I did not know, but a scroll that belonged to the destroyed Jewish community of Horazdovice, a community that perished in the flames of the Holocaust. This was not just the Torah connecting me to the Jewish past – this was a moment to acknowledge, once again, that the future of this Torah’s Jewish community of Horazdovice was wiped out by the cruelty of hate and yet somehow, miraculously, the orphaned Torah has survived and found its way into the loving hands of our community, right here in Orange, CT. Scroll after scroll paraded through the room packed with over 800 people from some 80+ synagogues in the Tri-State area, honoring the painful past – and celebrating the miraculous survival of Judaism. I will never forget this moment and this feeling.

TE delegation at the gathering of Holocaust Memorial Scrolls.

I have invited other members of TE who were able to attend to share some of their experiences from that day. I hope that their words can help you experience some of that special occasion:

“Tuesday, February 5th was truly a spiritually and personally meaningful experience for me. Watching the processional of more than 70 Czechoslovakian Holocaust scrolls, with our rabbi carrying our 1850 scroll, was a moving sight. To be there with a group of folks from my TE family made everything even more special and exciting, starting with the difficulty of parking at the train station to our rolling, sometimes party-like conversations on the train back and forth, and our long walks from Grand Central Station to Temple Emanu-El and back. It is such a privilege for our congregation to have been entrusted with one of these rescued, restored scrolls. In addition, it now appears that the scroll we retired in 2007 (to be only displayed) may indeed be able to be restored and put back into use. As one of those lucky enough to have chanted from that scroll during the retirement service, I would feel even more fortunate to once again chant from it in the near future. Any such opportunity would enhance my feeling of connection to those who perished for their beliefs and heritage, and for whom I may speak when chanting.” — Barbara Berkowitz

“Having convinced myself that one of the Czech scrolls must surely have come from the shul of my grandmother Adele Kolish Reyman, I felt that I needed to be at this rare reunion of the Czech scrolls residing in the Tri-State area. Reading and hearing about these scrolls, gently touching the covers, viewing the IDs affixed to the wood, and seeing the solemn walk with the Torahs were profoundly moving experiences.

Who can say that Adele, her four older brothers and their parents did not see one of these very scrolls I was seeing? No one can say it is not there, so it is. I needed to be there.”  — Barbara Miller

“Awesome, proud, sad, memorable, honored, humbled, grateful.

These are some of the emotions that the ten Temple Emanuel members felt as they saw the parade of more than 70 Czech Holocaust scrolls from all over the United States come down the aisle at Temple Emanu-El in New York City on February 5th. This was the largest gathering of the Czech scrolls ever in one place. The Memorial Scroll Trust has 1,564 scrolls on permanent loan to congregations throughout the world. Temple Emanuel’s scroll from Horazdovice came to the Temple Emanuel congregation in 1966 under the leadership of then-Presidents Lois and Paul Levine. It has been used in countless Friday night services, b’nai mitzvah services and High Holy Day services over the last 50 years.

During World War II, the Jews of Bohemia and Moravia were wiped out. The people had been lost, but amazingly 1,564 Torah Scrolls from more than 122 congregations had been saved. Westminster Synagogue became the home to these Czech Scrolls in February of 1964. There they were stored, restored and then sent back out into the world by the Memorial Trust Fund. The evening of February 5th brought 70 of these scrolls and their congregants together for the first time.” — Melissa Perkal

We stand together for Kaddish

Joan and I recently heard a string quartet concert devoted entirely to elegies. The music was so moving, the audience so quiet, I thought about how we give voice to support each other at the time of loss.

At TE, our custom is to stand together alongside mourners, and recite the Kaddish together. This ancient prayer was written in Aramaic, the common language in Talmudic times, so that everyone would understand what was being said. It is a prayer of praise for Adonai. In most traditional congregations, reciting the Kaddish is an obligation of a male mourner, or close male relatives. Others are not obligated to recite the Kaddish, but TE’s custom is for all to stand with the bereaved, in memory of the departed, and in support of those remaining.

In our wider culture, the elegiac tradition recognizes that mourners, sometimes wordless, receive critical support from others who stand together and share the sorrow. Elegiac poems and music move each of us as we think about the one who has died, our own mortality and beyond to the miracle of our short lives.  

Mary Frye wrote this elegiac poem for a Jewish girl who had fled the holocaust, only to receive news that her mother had died in Germany. Frye saw this girl weeping inconsolably because she could not visit her mother’s grave to share her tears of love and bereavement.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

 by Mary Elizabeth Frye

 Do not stand at my grave and weep:

 I am not there; I do not sleep.

 I am a thousand winds that blow,

 I am the diamond glints on snow,

 I am the sun on ripened grain,

 I am the gentle autumn rain.

 When you awaken in the morning’s hush

 I am the swift uplifting rush

 Of quiet birds in circling flight.

 I am the soft starshine at night.

 Do not stand at my grave and cry:

 I am not there; I did not die.

CELEBRATE PURIM, Wednesday, March 20th.

Celebrate Purim with TE Hebrew School 4:30-6:00

¤Hamentaschen baking!
¤A crazy Purim Spiel with audience participation!
¤Purim costume parade!

Get creative with your costumes and win a prize!

Community-wide Megillah reading 6:00 pm

¤Bring a box of pasta to use as a grogger on Wed, March 20th.

¤ On Wednesday, March 20th, and Friday, March 22nd, we will be collecting boxes of pasta, pasta sauce and canned vegetables to donate to Beth-El Center in Milford. Beth-El provides shelter and food services for homeless people.

ADULT PURIM PARTY: SATURDAY, MARCH 23 @ 7pm

Purim fun is not just for kids!

Come and join the TE family for a NO THEME PURIM PARTY! Dress up in your wildest costume, crazy hat or silly outfit and compete to win the Best Costume Competition! Festivities begin at 7:00 pm
BYOBeverage and NUT FREE Snacks. ¨Entertainment by the renowned TE DJ, Jeff Levinson. Join in the Karaoke Competition, dancing, activities and much more fun!

The event is FREE but we ask you to register in advance.

We plan to offer 2-3 FREE slumber parties where parents can leave their little ones if they have a problem securing a sitter (with Madrichim support). *If you plan to use the slumber party services, please be sure to let us know in advance so that we can plan accordingly (how many children and what ages?)

Temple Emanuel Annual Scholar in Residence March 8-10, 2019

RABBI URI REGEV, President of ‘HIDDUSH – For Religious Freedom and Equality in Israel’.

Friday, March 8  

•5:30pm Tot Shabbat Welcome Shabbat with joy and songs (for under 5s & their families)

•6:00 pm Shabbat dinner – Please RSVP for dinner/lunch online

•7:30 pm Kabbalat Shabbat Service. Rabbi Regev will speak on “The Challenge of Pluralism in Israel: Can Israel be Truly Jewish and Democratic?”

Saturday, March 9

•10:00 am Parashat Pekudei – Torah Study with Rabbi Regev.

•11:30 am    Dairy lunch.  RSVP for dinner/lunch

•12:30 – 2:00 pm “Kotel, Conversion, and Rabbinic Blacklists: What Are the Effects of the Latest Conflicts on Israel-Diaspora Relations?”

Sunday, March 10

•10:15 – 11:45 am  “Israel heading to the polls April 9: How will the elections impact Religious Freedom and Israel-US relations“

About our Speaker: Rabbi Regev serves as the President and CEO of the educational and advocacy Israel-Diaspora partnership, “Freedom of Religion for Israel” and of its Israeli counterpart, “Hiddush— For Freedom of Religion and Equality ”. A past President of the World Union for Progressive Judaism, Rabbi Regev served as founding chair, and later as executive director and legal counsel, of the Israel Religious Action Center (IRAC), the advocacy group established by the Reform movement in Israel.

This weekend is generously supported by an Anonymous TE Leave a Legacy Donor.

TE’s First Night Passover Seder, Friday April 19, 2019 at 6:30 pm

Please sign up by April 12th!!!

And you shall observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread, for on this very day I brought your hosts out of the land of Egypt.  Therefore you shall observe this day, throughout your generations, as a statute forever.-Exodus 12:17

According to the Jewish tradition, one of the greatest mitzvot (commandments) of Passover is to celebrate this ancient biblical holiday with a Seder – a special gathering that brings together our history, heritage, and modern observances that are meaningful and relevant to us today. It is the time when Jews are getting together to read the Haggadah, perform rituals, sing, have fun, and of course EAT!

Join our extended Temple Emanuel family to celebrate the First Night Passover Seder on Friday, April 19th. Members & non-members are welcome!

Please do not let the cost of the dinner prevent you and your family from attending the Seder – speak to Rabbi Farbman confidentially.