Author: Rabbi Michael Farbman

As you read this column, the rhythms of fall are beginning. The trees are starting to change color and the weather should be cooling off. For many of us, vacations are over, school is beginning, and it is time to buckle down to new commitments.

It is also time to start thinking about the High Holidays and what they can bring to us. A major theme of the New Year celebration is Teshuvah. Teshuvah is often translated as repentance; we spend time reflecting on what we did wrong and how we can do better in the coming year. But Teshuvah is also a time of renewal. We turn from our routine, look within, and imagine new possibilities, new beginnings. We can recreate ourselves and the relationships we have with others, and work toward transformation of the world.

In my role as president, I am working to understand how I can help transform TE into an even more vibrant community: a place where everyone feels welcome and supported, and where we can give even more to the community around us. I was recently struck by an article by Rabbi Rick Jacobs, president of the Union of Reform Judaism, about his choice to spend Tisha B’Av in an Orthodox synagogue, among Jews who pray differently and might believe differently and hold different political views than he does. He encourages all of us, Orthodox and Reform, liberal and conservative, not to give in to the divisions among us, nor to ignore the substantive differences we have. He instead challenges us to the exercise of building a community that acknowledges, honors, and draws strength from our differences.

I believe that our relationship with CONECT (Congregations Organized for a New Connecticut) can be one way to rise to this challenge. CONECT brings together houses of worship and civic organizations from New Haven and Fairfield Counties to work on social and economic justice issues of common concern. As a new member of CONECT, our first job is for TE members to work together to identify the social issues important to us as a community. CONECT’s work begins with relationships, first within our congregation and later, if we choose, with other member congregations. CONECT has developed a process of listening, learning, and reflecting that will help us work together to build trust as we find common goals to work towards.

As we contemplate Teshuvah, I hope we can recreate ourselves and the relationships we have with each other in more meaningful ways, from our personal lives, to our communal work, to our interactions with the world as a whole. May we continue to work toward the world we would like our children and the generations to come to inherit.

I take a deep breath as I begin my term as president of Temple Emanuel. It is an honor to be given the responsibility to lead our congregation and I thank all of you for entrusting this job to me. As I begin my role I have taken some time to ponder why I took on this responsibility and what Temple Emanuel means to me.

I joined Temple Emanuel in 1999, with my wife Barb, our 4 year old daughter Maya and our 2 year old son Joshua. Until that time we attended different congregations, Slifka for the high holidays, BEKI often. We started “shul shopping,” attending services at several congregations around the area. When we made the decision to join TE, I remember thinking that we were joining because of the services and the feel of the congregation. We loved the music and the warmth. But we knew very few people at TE and at the time it did not feel like “our community.” Twenty years later I feel very differently.

What I appreciate most about TE is the community. I can show up by myself on a Friday night and know that I will not feel alone as I sit in services. When my mother died, there was a congregation to support me and come to a shiva service at my home. If we should have an illness or difficult time in our family, I know people from TE would be there to help. This sense of community has grown over time: sharing Shabbat services weekly, setting up numerous Rosh Hashanah luncheons, and sitting for hours at numerous board and committee meetings, have all helped me build strong bonds with so many of you.

TE has become the major focus of my Jewish community, a place that helped provide my children with a Jewish education, a place where I can celebrate Shabbat and Jewish holidays, a place where I can struggle with what prayer and God mean to me, and what it means to be a Jew.

TE is a special place. We have a wonderful community, incredible lay leadership, and a very special Rabbi. I hope to be able to continue the work of the leaders who came before me to keep TE a strong, vibrant congregation, and to help it thrive and grow. I want to see TE become a community where everyone can feel at home. I hope to get to know all of you over the next two years and I am interested to hear your thoughts, ideas and concerns. (president@tegnh.org)

I want to thank our past president Alan Kliger for all the work he has done to strengthen TE, both during his years as president and in the years before. TE is a stronger, more vibrant community because of the work he has done.

This column is the last I will write as president of TE. It’s hard for me to take in the reality that nearly 2 years have passed since the June 2017 annual meeting where I received the “go bag” from our past president Melissa Perkal, containing the essential elements for a TE president: duct tape, flashlight, screwdriver, wrench, extension cord, WD40, and an organized book of instructions for what to do when: vendor contacts, high holiday preparation, social hall rental, etc. A deer in the headlights, I had no realistic idea of what was in store for me. But a legion of past presidents – – so many still so active in TE leadership, assured me that I would be OK, and that TE would survive despite my ineptitude with tools, and my aversion to details. I would be OK – largely because so many helping hands were there always to do what had to be done: bring food (now without nuts!!), prepare for festivals and celebrations, move chairs – and move them again, cook and serve outdoors, teach, learn, share, and come together in joy and in grief. We love our synagogue, we love praying together, learning together, seeking together. Sometimes arguing together. But at its heart, TE is a place of love.

Joan and I sing in the New Haven Chorale, and are preparing a piece written by a Yale faculty composer, Christopher Theofanidis. His The Here and Now is inspired by a 13^th century text written by the Persian Poet Jalal al-Din Rumi. One of the phrases we sing over and over like a chant, is “Everything has to do with loving and not loving. Everything has to do with loving and not loving…” This so resonates with me – – everything we do has to do with loving and affirming life, or not loving and turning away from life.

I have been thinking about why Temple Emanuel has continued to thrive, despite the many challenges we have. We are a small community with so much to do, and relatively few hands to help. We have had financial challenges, some small, some large and daunting. In our modern world, our synagogue is not the central organization in our lives – – we have jobs, schools, we have social media, we have family gatherings – – dominating our time and attention. Why, then, do we value and support TE? Everything has to do with loving and not loving. TE gives us a space to be loving. Loving by extending ourselves to our community at times of need and at times of joy. Loving by praying together, arguing together, singing together, being together. We have a choice. Everything has to do with loving and not loving. We choose loving.

My last 2 years have been blessed with a capable and committed board of directors, working committees that really did their jobs, from our finance committee, adult and children’s education, caring community, membership, garden and cemetery, tikkun olam, building and grounds, safety, ritual, and more – – the inside workings of a real community. I have been so fortunate to work with a fantastic school administrator and her staff that have seen our school grow and thrive, a dedicated administrator overseeing daily process, a warm and inviting office staff that is our face to the outside world, and handles our phones, our calendar, our payments and contributions. We have an incredible caretaker, who makes our space her space, and is so proud of TE. And we have a rabbi who has been an inspirational leader. He has provided a constant vision of the future, and urges us to discover what TE might become. Every day, our rabbi shows his concern for each congregant – – those in pain, those in fear, those with confusion, uncertainty – – and also those with joy, with enthusiasm, with wonderful anticipation of new career, new relationships, new life.

I feel so fortunate to be part of TE. Everything has to do with loving and not loving. Our rabbi, our teachers and staff, our whole community, all help me to grow in loving. From my heart, thank you.