Category: Rabbi’s page

Building the community…

If God does not build the house, the workers labor in vain… (Psalm 127).

There is an ancient Jewish tradition: when building a house, to leave one corner, one tiny bit unfinished. To let a little bit of brick show through plaster in the corner, to have something left not fully painted. Our ancestors did so in order to remind ourselves that the world is not complete, that there is far too much suffering and destruction in the world for us to sit comfortably in our home and think that all is good…

Over the course of this summer there was a lot of renovation activity at Temple Emanuel – the new floors were laid in the social hall and the entrance, ceiling was painted in the swing space, a new layer of shingles was added to the Sanctuary building roof, new gutters are being added to both buildings – wonderful, exciting, much needed actions to upkeep the TE physical ‘body’. This is perhaps the biggest number of projects undertaken in quick succession over the last few years – much of it delayed or scheduled maintenance. There are still things that need fixing – the social hall ceiling and acoustics, the board room in the ‘house’ that suffered major water damage and will need to be almost fully re-built to name but a few – but many of the things we did, like the floor and the roof, allow us to ‘tick it off’ as completed – a great feeling of accomplishment for TE leadership – and for all of us! There’s still plenty of ‘unfinished corners’ around TE, of course, but at least the projects that have been completed give us a sense of – well, completion!

The buildings are important, no doubt about that. Yet they are merely the tools in our real efforts: the building of a community! The relationships that are forged, the learning that takes place, the prayers that are offered, the traditions observed, the caring and the deeds of loving kindness performed daily by members of Temple Emanuel… That’s what we are REALLY building – the fabric of our Jewish present and the foundations for our Jewish future. Thanks to the generous vision of the Second Half Century fund we are also supporting our school and educational programs through new curricula and exciting initiatives, the school building is buzzing with excitement! New members join and past members are coming back – what better testament can there be to our community-building efforts?

This kind of building is at times harder to see, unlike the bricks and mortar – but it can be felt and experienced at so many things we do throughout the year! Above all, this is not the kind of ‘building’ that can ever be finished – just as relationships, the community needs what was built in the past as a foundation, but needs continued efforts to keep it alive and well.

I hope you get to see for yourself all the wonderful renovations that took place over the summer and take pride in them. I also hope that you will take an active role in being a part of the community-building that we do and find a way to engage and lend a hand. I look forward to seeing many of you as we build the sukkah on October 9th, a temporary structure that reminds us of the fragility of our lives and our buildings, and of the strength of our human bond with each other and with God. I also look forward to continued celebrations of Sukkot and Simchat Torah, (Oct 12th and Oct 19th), extending the special season of High Holy Days with the joyful celebration of our heritage and our Torah!

Wishing you all a shanah tovah u’metukkah, a sweet, happy and fulfilling new year 5772!

Slach lanu… forgive us before the High Holy Days?

Rabbi Michael Farbman


In our tradition, the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are known as the most awe-inspiring and powerful Holy Days. In our modern reality, the High Holy Days continue to serve as a draw for the Jews who rarely set foot in the synagogue during the year, but who nonetheless make big efforts to be a part of a community on the Days of Awe. Of course, if you have not been coming to the synagogue regularly, you may find the experience alienating (and great many Jews do!), since you do not know the prayers and may not be quite as comfortable with Hebrew (or don’t know how to read), the services may seem far too long and hard to cope with. If you go to a bookstore or search online, you will quickly discover dozens of books with titles such as ‘how to survive the high holidays’, ‘Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur survival kit’ and so on.

Somehow, this most profound experience of the Jewish year is also one of the most difficult ones for the majority of modern Jews – and yet the synagogues continue to open up walls to social halls and rent additional chairs to accommodate all those who come just for those few days… For so many Jews, coming back to the synagogue to hear Kol Nidrei and Avinu Malkeinu and the sound of the Shofar is still one of the most important moments of the year. I know for certain that those who attend the services regularly feel much more at home in the synagogue during the High Holy Days, but I also know how much comfort the High Holy Day services give to everyone who comes back year after year…

The Days of Awe, Yamim Noraim are technically the ten days that connect Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It is the time for reflection, for introspection. The time to conduct what the rabbis call heshbon hanefesh, the accounting of the soul. It is a time to seek forgiveness for the wrongs we have done – first from people, our loved ones, our families and friends, as well as people we barely know but may have hurt, and then from God. But as much as we all accept the need to come together and to pray and to say the words of supplication (slach lanu, mechal lanu, kaper lanu – forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement) we often forget that this process does not begin on Rosh Hashanah, the New Year – but it begins in the month of Elul that precedes it!

The Selichot prayers, the ‘prayers of forgiveness’ are recited in the month of Elul, before the New Year even begins. In Sephardi tradition the selichot are recited throughout the month of Elul, whereas the Ashkenazim begin the selichot prayers at the end of Shabbat preceding Rosh Hashanah. Traditionally, the penitential prayers are recited at midnight, physically reminding us that this is the time to look at our lives and ourselves in a different light…

For many years now the Greater New Haven area Reform synagogues have been coming together for the Selichot services. It gives us a once-a-year opportunity to share our worship with each other and to be together as part of a bigger Jewish community and family – a very special feeling indeed. This year, as we begin to celebrate Temple Emanuel’s 50th anniversary, we are also honored to host the Selichot services at TE! On Saturday, September 24th at 7.30 pm members of Reform Congregations in Hamden, Cheshire, Southbury, Madison and Chester will come and join TE members for a very special service that will help us set the mood for the upcoming Holy Days.

Professor Paul Bloom from Yale will talk about ‘Just Babies’ and share with us the results of his research into innate morality, the fascinating subject that seems to confirm some of the key beliefs in Judaism!

If you would like to sing in the combined choir, please contact Laurel Shader asap! We also need help with parking and food, please let Leona know if you are available to help, but above all, I hope we use this opportunity to come together and experience the incredible spirit of the selichot service, especially if you have not done so in the years past!

Last but not least, I hope you will take a moment to follow the link in the shofar blast (or the shofar) and tell the High Holy Day committee what mitzvoth (honors) you would like to have in the services, as well as how and when you are able to help – we really want to make sure that every member of our congregation has a chance to participate in the most meaningful way!

Wishing you all Shanah Tovah U’metukah, a sweet and happy New Year 5772 ahead!

Shiru l’Adonai Shir Chadash, Sing unto God a new song…

If favorite books are like old friends, prayerbooks are like trusted and beloved family members. We turn to them in joy as well as in sorrow, in wonder and in confusion. While holding the prayerbook in our hands, we talk to God, it helps us find the right words when our own words fail us… It bears witness to the passage of time and to the major events in our lives.

Temple Emanuel has its own prayerbook, Seder Tefilot Emanuel. This wonderful and warm book has inspired generations of TE members – and continues to do so! It began as a loose-leaf collection of prayers in the early TE years, then became a ‘Yellow Prayerbook’ and eventually took shape that we know and love some 20 years ago. It has survived two reprints and has served our community as a truly magnificent tool. In the current edition of the ‘blue prayerbook’ as it is affectionately known, there is an introduction from Rabbi Brieger: “As this second printing appears, I suggest to our members that the time is here to begin thinking about what needs to be addressed for a revised second edition of this prayerbook”. These words were written back in April 1998, almost 13 years ago. Rabbi Brieger’s health and transition have prevented us from pursuing this charge. In the meantime, the Reform Movement has produced a new prayerbook – Mishkan Tefilah, a wonderful liturgical collection that reflects very well both the history of our movement and the traditional structure of Jewish liturgy. It addresses many limitations of its predecessor, the Gates of Prayer, that our own ‘blue prayerbook’ sought to address some 20 years ago.

Last year the ritual committee began a difficult task of discussing how to proceed. The love for our current prayerbook is unquestionable and a thought of replacing it is very hard to bear. Yet we cannot deny that the book in its current form urgently needs a serious update… I was asked to help the committee form its opinion of the new prayerbook and we organized an explanatory service with the few copies of Mishkan Tefilah that we have in our library. It was then decided that we should have similar introductory services conducted for the entire congregation, allowing us all to experience the prayerbook that has become a standard among most reform congregations in America, before trying to make a decision on how to proceed.

Camp Eisner is generously lending us enough copies of Mishkan Tefilah this winter. Over the next few months we will have an opportunity to explore this prayerbook. We will get a chance to flip through the pages, to see what it has to offer and to form our own opinions. A picture may be worth a thousand words, how much more so an experience of a ‘real thing’!

The first explanatory service is planned for February 4th, following a shabbat dinner. There will be more such services planned in March and April. I very much hope that you will be able to attend these services and, together with the Ritual Committee, I look forward to hearing your thoughts, feelings and comments. As we embark on this important, yet challenging journey, may we continue to listen to each other with patience and love, to express ourselves and our thoughts with wisdom and care. May we go from strength to strength.

B’shalom,
Rabbi Farbman.

Chag Urim Sameach – a Happy Festival of Lights!

I could not honestly remember if I had ever experienced Chanukah begin on December 1st – but even if I did, this still feels very ‘early’! As the Jewish calendar tries to balance the lunar and the solar systems of counting months, our festivals travel slightly back and forth. This Hebrew year, 5771 is a leap year, so starting with Purim the festivals will all of a sudden feel ‘later than usual’ – and so the cycle continues. This year’s calendar has provided us all with an incredible opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving and Chanukah with less than a week between them! In culinary terms, this means that we’ll be going from Turkeys to Latkes in no time at all J. But it is the theme of ‘giving’ that is so naturally included in the Thanksgiving that I wanted to concentrate on in connection with this year’s Chanukah.

A few years ago a new project was instituted by the American Reform Movement – Ner Shel Tzedakah (“candle of righteousness”) is a project in which families and individuals devote the 6th night of Chanukah to learning about the problem of poverty. We are encouraged to donate the value of the gifts (or the gifts themselves) that would otherwise be exchanged on that night to organizations that assist the poor, locally or globally. A special blessing has been created to be used as we light Ner Shel Tzedakah:

Baruch Ata Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Haolam, Asher Kidshanu B’mitzvotav, V’lamdeinu L’Hadlik Ner Shel Tzedakah.

Blessed are You, Eternal, our God, who makes us holy through the performance of Mitzvot, and inspires us to light the Candle of Righteousness.

“As we light this “Ner Shel Tzedakah” tonight, we pray that its light will shine into the dark corners of our world, bringing relief to those suffering from the indignity and pain that accompany poverty. May our act of giving inspire others to join with us in the fight against the scourge of hunger, homelessness, need and want. Together, let us raise our voices to cry out for justice, and may that clarion call burst through the night’s silence and declare that change must come.”

This year, the 6th night of Chanukah falls on Monday, December 6th, 2010. I encourage you strongly to use that night to have a conversation with your children and with each other about poverty and hunger, and what we can do to help alleviate it in this world. At Temple Emanuel we are dedicating the entire Sunday, December 5th, to a very special inter-generational Chanukah project, organized by our newly re-formed Education Committee. From 9:30 am to 12 noon we are having a morning of learning and then joining with the Hebrew school on a gift giving project. We are partnering this year with Jewish Family Services, ‘r kids Family Center, Fairhaven Community Health Center and Connecticut Junior Republic and after a morning of study (and a little food!) we will be preparing gift baskets to be distributed to various families in need through these organizations (each with a very strong connection to TE community). We will be collecting donations needed on Friday, December 3rd during our Musical Shabbat Chanukah celebration, but if this Shofar does not reach you in time to participate in this project, I very much hope you will still dedicate one day’s worth of Chanukah gifts to help those in need. By making donations on the sixth (or any other!) night of Chanukah, you will help our candle of righteousness glow brightly for those in need. Don’t let the light go out!

Wonderful High Holiday Traditions

Rosh Hashanah comes early this year! It seems like Elul has come and almost gone and before we know it, it’s time for Rosh Hashanah celebrations, for ushering in the new year, for apples and honey and joy, as well as introspection and taking stock of our lives that follows the Rosh Hashanah and precedes the Yom Kippur.

There is a wonderful tradition of Tashlich on Rosh Hashanah, which I have mentioned in my last column. On the first day of the new year, after services and celebratory Kiddush, we will go out to the stream of water and join together in symbolically (and physically) emptying our pockets, disposing of the little crumbs that represent a myriad of little sins and transgressions that often remain out of sight, just like those little crumbs in our pockets…I know that in the years past there have been groups of congregants doing Tashlich in different places, but this year we have decided to be a little more organized and go together after the Kiddush. I am hoping you and your family will join us!

High Holy Days are serious. We ponder matters of life and death, look at our lives, ask forgiveness from people around us and from God. But even at this season, there should be a little time for humor. I’m sure you have seen this list before, but even if you have — it’s worth a smile or two!

Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors, to be used at Tashlich:

For ordinary sins ………………………..White Bread
For complex sins …………………………..Multigrain
For twisted sins ……………………………….Pretzels
For sins of indecision …………………………Waffles
For sins committed in haste………………….Matzoh
For sins of chutzpah …………………….Fresh Bread
For particularly dark sin ……………..Pumpernickel
For dressing immodestly ………………………..Tarts
For racist attitudes …………………………..Crackers
For causing injury to others …………………..Tortes
For sophisticated racism ………………Ritz Crackers
For being holier than thou ……………………Bagels
For substance abuse…………………..Stoned Wheat
For use of heavy drugs………………….Poppy Seed
For petty larceny……………………………….Stollen
For committing auto theft ………………….Caraway
For timidity/cowardice ……………………Milk Toast
For tasteless sins…………………………..Rice Cakes
For ill-temperedness………………………Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity………………….Nut Bread
For not giving full value…………………Shortbread
For unnecessary chances ………………..Hero Bread
For war-mongering ………………………Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism ………….Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony ………………………..Rye  Bread
For erotic sins …………………………..French Bread
For abrasiveness ………………………………….Grits
For dropping in without notice ……………Popovers
For overeating ………………………………..Stuffing
For impetuosity ………………………….Quick Bread
For indecent photography ………………Cheesecake
For raising your voice too often ……………Challah
For pride and egotism……………………Puff Pastry
For sycophancy, brown-nosing …………….Brownies
For being overly smothering …….Angel Food Cake
For laziness……………………………..Any long loaf
For trashing the environment……………Dumplings
And my personal favorite:
For telling bad jokes/puns ……………..Corn Bread

Wishing you all a sweet, happy and above all healthy new year 5771. May we all be blessed with peace! I look forward to seeing you all at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Services, as well as during Sukkot and Simchat Torah. Please check the calendar for services and come celebrate ALL the festivals of Tishrei, not just the biggest ones. Shanah Tovah!☺
— Rabbi Farbman